I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
