I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
