her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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