When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
