Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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