we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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