So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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