my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
did you just send me my own nude
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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