I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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