ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
