Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I party with great urgency now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
