go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
