Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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