And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
cat food counts as protein by the way
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
