MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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