just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
