there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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