Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize