so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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