I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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