proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
