I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
