Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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