How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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