And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
