Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
