my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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