My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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