Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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