even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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