the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
