after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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