dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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