just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
