Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
