I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
