Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
