if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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