why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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