They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
