your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so that wasnt chicken after all
Too much gin, very little bucket
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
