I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We need to get me chipped asap
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
