I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
