It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
