I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The air was thick with penises
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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