Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We have started to decorate penises.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
