Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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