Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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