I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
