dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
