i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
