i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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