I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
