How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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