so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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