i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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