To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
