I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
