They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
