I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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