Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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