she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
