I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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