Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
