Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
