I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
