Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
