Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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