Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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